


The Sad Man Would Hold A Ring And The Dead Men Would Hold Him Up

by AnonymousActions



Series: Malec Drabbles [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec died, Angst, M/M, Sadness, This is the aftermath, this might break your heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 21:31:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6724279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousActions/pseuds/AnonymousActions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec dies of old age and Simon is left to take care of Magnus. Raphael helps and there is hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sad Man Would Hold A Ring And The Dead Men Would Hold Him Up

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning- I wrote this because I was imagining what it would be like to feel alone for the rest of eternity which means this is anything but happy.

      Alec was the last one to die. He wanted to hold on to Magnus for as long as he could but he is- no- was only mortal. Now there's only Magnus and Simon. They're holding hands, trying to hold on to the last thing that they have which, surprisingly enough, is each other. Magnus hasn't cried. Simon has a feeling Magnus won't cry for a long time. Years, maybe centuries even. Crying means it's real and they have lost everyone else already. Luke and Jocelyn died of old age but, as they were older, they went first. They were followed by Jace and Clary (and of course those two died together, ever the drama queens) and finally, Izzy. Their deaths had taken a toll on Alec but he had stayed. And though Magnus had cried, Simon couldn't cry at first. Magnus had explained it to him, "you don't want to let go. If you let go, they're never coming back. It's alright, that's normal." One day, Simon had knocked at the Warlock's door. Alec had been the one to open the door, all grey hairs and pale skin and bloodshot eyes from crying. The two had looked at each other before hugging and when Magnus had come back it was to find his love and his only current immortal friend asleep on the couch, still hugging, with still-wet cheeks and fading, nostalgic smiles.

      After that, Magnus and Simon had started becoming closer. They became a suppost system for each other. They helped each other with grief and understanding when Alec couldn't. Now, however, looking at the Shadowhunter's grave, the last one in their little group, Simon knew that Magnus wouldn't cry. He knew that Magnus would be broken and dead from grief until he cried. And he knew Magnus would never let Alec go. So Simon cried while holding Magnus' hand because he needed to be there for his friend starting tomorrow. He needed to be there whatever happened. The Institute would be in good hands with Shadowhunters and another Warlock could replace Magnus as High Warlock of Brooklyn. The apartment would stay, Alec's things would stay, his presence would try to stay but his smell will be gone soon.

      When the moon set (because the sun felt wrong at the moment), Simon led Magnus back through the streets to his loft. He took care of the Warlock. Slowly, carefully. He undressed him and washed him and put him in some of Alec's most worn sweatpants and sweatshirts. When he put the Warlock to bed, he saw the first thing Magnus did without being forced since the funeral, he curled up and started breathing in the smell that was still clinging to the clothes. Simon caressed the Warlock's hair, spoke softly to him, told him about those stories with Alec and eventually Magnus fell into a dreamless, restless sleep. Simon texted Raphael then. His leader and his friend weren't exactly friends themselves, they were more. They were just there, in each other's heart. Like brothers almost. His phone chimed with a reply from the older vampire. He would be bringing some of Simon's clothes the next night so that they could both be there for Magnus.

      Alec had planned a thing for Magnus, Simon knew. He knew because he had helped. There were letters and pictures and photo albums and small stories about the first time this happened and the first time that happened. Alec had made him promise though, Magnus should only start opening those once he could cry and grieve properly. As long as he stayed in this dead state they all knew he would be in, he could only have one thing. One thing that Alec had prepared. That would be for tomorrow though. For now, Simon needed to sleep and Magnus needed to hold on to someone.

      When Simon woke up the next evening, Magnus was awake. Magnus was awake but he was still dead. Simon understood that feeling. It was just that impossible loneliness. It felt like your heart was being torn out of your chest, like your stomach was being toyed and played with, like your heart was going up your throat but somehow it was still beating and still being torn out. Your head replayed things you could have done better, things you should have done, it replayed the arguments, the fights, the time you wasted not being with them. Simon had gone through this with his friends, he couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose Raphael and to have that feeling emplified by the simple fact that it was your person that was dead and not someone else's.

      The younger man gently picked up the Warlock and carried him to the dinner table. He sat him down carefully and started feeding him small mouthfuls of food. Magnus ate. Of course he ate. But he didn't feel. Not yet. Not for a long time.

      Simon gently went through the process of getting the Warlock down on his couch and he sat next to him. He played with his hair again and hoped things would be better one day. When Raphael entered, he was carrying a small box which he gave to the Warlock who didn't react. "Magnus, this is from Alec. He gave it to you. Said you should open it now." And then, slowly, Magnus looked up at Raphael. He looked down again but at the box this time. He opened it slowly, his hands shaking and his eyes bright with sadness and disbelief. Inside the box was a letter and a ring. Alec's ring. The one he had gotten for Magnus so many years ago but never gave him. And as Magnus read the letter, holding the ring tightly in his hand, something seemed to crack. He looked up at the vampires and whispered, "a cat?" before looking back down at the letter and the ring.

      Simon knew what the letter said. He had helped with it. He had promised Alec that he would help and he would. Just as soon as Magnus was ready. Until then, the bright man would hold a ring, the pale man would hold him up and the newer one would fulfill his promise one day at a time.

_Dear Magnus,_

_if you're reading this then Simon is a better man than most._

_Today is the day after I was burried. You're probably sitting on the couch, wearing my clothes, holding my ring and you were clutching at Simon earlier without even knowing you were. Your chest feels empty, your head too full, your throat is closing and yet you cannot cry. And that's alright. I was the same when Izzy died. And when Jace died. And when Max died. Listen, I know it will take a long time for you to be alright._

_It will take a long time for you to even think to grieve and cry. You don't want to let me go and say goodbye and that's alright._

_I made you things. I wrote you letters and stories and I made a photo album and I framed a few pictures. I made Raphael and Simon promise not to give them to you until you started grieving properly though. I know how you are, you'll never move on if you see everything now._

_Tomorrow, Raphael will bring a kitten home. He's a magical little one called Chairman Meow. They'll take care of him but one day, you'll have to take care of him. And I know that he'll help you get out of this state you're currently in._

_I love you so much, Magnus Bane. So much more than I ever thought anyone could love._

_You were my first, my last, my forever, my everything._

_I have regrets too, you know. But I know you'll be fine. I know it because you have Simon and Raphael. And eventually you'll let your other friends take care of you._

_I'll see you again one day, my love._

_Forever (until the day you die and beyond) yours,_

_Alexander (Lightwood-Bane)_


End file.
